… right answer but I hear the same problems echoed by friends, coworkers, and all over the internet. I guess I could just quit my job, so he becomes the breadwinner again but that would bankrupt us (not to mention I would be miserable).
Reading this I feel transported to what might have been, had I married my ex. I have also always been ambitious, and him not so much. His upbringing was very coddled, and he also thought being the man of the house meant earning more. He felt emasculated and frustrated shortly after entering our relationship.
There is no easy way out of this: you want a certain standard of living, and it's understandable. Settling for less will leave you miserable - which means the material side is important to you. He, on the other hand, has no intention of stepping up, and perhaps he doesn't care about that stuff. Which might mean you have very different priorities.
What others perceive as condescending about you, I see as extreme frustration accumulated over years. There is no way to solve this but meeting in the middle, emotionally, maybe financially too. If he's not willing to communicate and be open to change, it will just deteriorate from here. It sounds to me like you need to get to know each other again.
Sorry for blurting out advice, I don't usually do this, and take it with a grain of salt, but I really saw myself in your situation.